Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Paint me as a leopard for the best figure drawing session ever
The Cultivation Collective is a group of artists that have come together for their love of art. Each month at Public Works in the Mission they put together a figure drawing event in order to raise money for their collective. The theme last Thursday night was Undressed in the Jungle. After some research I found an add that Jason Cohen had posted expressing his need for some models, he told me one would be painted like a predator and he told me I could be that one if I dared. He also told me that two other models were going to be there but they would be in costume, little did I know it was a underwear and bra and twigs, leaves, and bushes from Golden Gate Park. It didn’t feel odd or strange to me at all. No sirens went off and it all seemed cool.
It was awesome and I am so glad I did it. I got there prepared with all kinds of underwear and bras to choose from. The girl that painted me was Iris Alden. She was about my age with long brown hair and she went to town painting me like a leopard, pinning me a tail and giving me ears, and painting my hands and feet. She works for the art commission and also works at Public Works occasionally. The other models were supposed to be Adam and Eve. Then walks in Heather, our Eve for the evening. She had long, blonde, wavy hair and had a big comfortable smile on her face. She got dressed in black underwear and a brown sports top and tons of vines, leaves, and parky things they found in Golden Gate Park that day. Then comes in Alex, the Adam. We all met and it felt fine. First up was Eve, then Adam, then Adam and Eve. Break. Then me, the leopard.
There was a short runway with a little stage at the end where we posed. There were video projections on the two walls next to me and the one behind me for a more visual effect. There was a DJ so music was playing. Good, not too fast, grooving music and I appreciated that since I had to hold poses for 10, 20, even 30 minutes at a time.
So I went out there in front of an audience of artists who had big white sheets of paper and pencils, charcoal, markers, and brushes. I felt totally comfortable. It’s been so long since I have performed and I love it, this was performing. I sat on the floor for 5 minutes while they drew. There was a live MC giving me and the artist’s instructions. Then I got up and did another pose for 10 minutes. It was fun making up poses that fit the character. The stage had live vines, branches, and flowers around it go with the Jungle theme. We continued taking breaks and coming back. After the break it was Adam and I. He posed on his knees and I was laying down with my arms on his legs, like I was attached him. The next pose was all three of us. I was on my knees as Eves pet and Adam was lying down on his back as if Eve had made him fall and her foot was on his stomach. We held that for 20 minutes. Break then just Eve and I posed together. We had help coming up with the pose with all three of us but the others we came up with on our own and I must congratulate us. We did a fabulous job, we took it like a job and did our jobs professionally and we also were creative with it and had fun meeting the artists after. The drawings were amazing and 1 person even gave me a sketch to take home. I hope to be apart of their figure drawing events in the future because I appreciated how important they made the models feel and how classy and professional the event was.
All in all a very good experience.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
I live in San Francisco now. Reading that sentence does not make it real.
I currently am saying that I live in San Francisco. I am in a temporary place while I find a job and another apartment. I have great neighbors, we share a backyard. There are two apartments. On the bottom lives Carmen and Adam. She is Australian and he is American and they are married and live here but they are on their honeymoon in Australia for three weeks. The one that lives on top of them is Scott and I think in this short time I have grown to really enjoy him and think he is wonderful.
So far what I have done here in one month is more than I can even think about doing in one year in Tucson or Long Beach. I have gone to the De Young and seen real Picasso pieces that were flown from France. I stood where Picasso stood years ago and decided he was finished with his painting or decided he wanted to give his Olga or Dina a hug. I have had a fabulous reunion with Jessica and Emily, my burning man campmates and met Jessicas fabulous roommates and their friends who then, after it got dark, went across the street to Golden Gate Park and did a fire show for us. Right across from the rose garden and Fulton St.
I have gone to the MOMA and had adventures in the dark and light of the city. New friends are everywhere and from everywhere and there for have different things to say. I have applied to over 150 jobs and barely got one internship/work exchange. I help out the event coordinator and volunteer at events at a dance company and get free dance classes out of it. I have had chicken and waffles and seen jazz shows and eaten the best food. You can’t walk a foot without seeing art work in between buildings or the sidewalk or side of buildings or in windows or on top of buildings. Dolores park is like a music festival. The farmers markets are filled with people and fresh groceries and they actually smell real. There are about 100 different areas and districts. And right now is not real.
This is not home. I am not in love. Yet?
Wow, I didn’t know what would come out until I just wrote this.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
San Francisco bound
I am moving. Moving to a different place and essentially a different life. The time has come, I feel so ready to have a place to call my own and to get a "job" that I am happy with that also brings in a little dough. This is the view from across the road of my new apartment in lower haight. I think it is a community garden entrance. The cute blonde is Kelly, a dear friend of mine from the college days who is going to be my roommate! I am leaving on the 25th of September and taking every day as it comes.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
I have a tail to tell.
I let him back inside my life
after many months of heartache and hell
and crying and not eating
and sitting, staring, thinking
of the tragedy that I fell in love with a man that lives in Australia.
Thank the lord for my friends, the talks, and all their help.
The dance parties and smoke sesh’s were supposed to cheer me up
but all they did was make me wish he was here and with me.
Finally. Finally the sad went away. But happiness didn’t come in its place.
Emptiness was in my heart. Emptiness took the space.
It was over between us. I had to accept that. And I did at a very slow pace.
But I guess something couldn’t let me keep going from pain to empty to ok to happy
because he came back for Burning Man and we saw each other.
He is so engrained in my life because he is friends with my friends. He was before he met me.
So now every time he comes to America I know who he will see and where he will be.
We spent all of Burning Man together. I don’t know if we fell back in love but he did with me.
I fell back into his arms, into the comfort of having someone adore and comfort me always.
After burning man we were together for 5 more days.
Now he is gone and I am sad.
Now I can’t read a book with out thinking of my sadness.
Did I think of my sadness or of him the first time?
I am the one who made myself sad.
I knew this would happen, I knew we would be back to wonderfulness and he would leave and it would be bad.
I tried to do the right thing and not see him, I did
But he kept pulling me back and how could I not see my first love if he came to America?
So now its back to emptiness.
Not happiness. It is much less.
It is the feeling of “ok, now what’s next.”
I let him back inside my life
after many months of heartache and hell
and crying and not eating
and sitting, staring, thinking
of the tragedy that I fell in love with a man that lives in Australia.
Thank the lord for my friends, the talks, and all their help.
The dance parties and smoke sesh’s were supposed to cheer me up
but all they did was make me wish he was here and with me.
Finally. Finally the sad went away. But happiness didn’t come in its place.
Emptiness was in my heart. Emptiness took the space.
It was over between us. I had to accept that. And I did at a very slow pace.
But I guess something couldn’t let me keep going from pain to empty to ok to happy
because he came back for Burning Man and we saw each other.
He is so engrained in my life because he is friends with my friends. He was before he met me.
So now every time he comes to America I know who he will see and where he will be.
We spent all of Burning Man together. I don’t know if we fell back in love but he did with me.
I fell back into his arms, into the comfort of having someone adore and comfort me always.
After burning man we were together for 5 more days.
Now he is gone and I am sad.
Now I can’t read a book with out thinking of my sadness.
Did I think of my sadness or of him the first time?
I am the one who made myself sad.
I knew this would happen, I knew we would be back to wonderfulness and he would leave and it would be bad.
I tried to do the right thing and not see him, I did
But he kept pulling me back and how could I not see my first love if he came to America?
So now its back to emptiness.
Not happiness. It is much less.
It is the feeling of “ok, now what’s next.”
Burning man 2011
This year was my first Burning Man experience. Before Burning Man I did not understand how I was expected to live for 7 days in the desert, with out a proper shower, in a tent, and enjoy it and miss it when I finally had the amenities of the default world. I was scared that I would not be able to handle it. I did not yet realize that Burning Man is not just another music festival, it is a social experiment on a different way that you can live your life and it was refreshing after all.
Burning Man is a community, Black Rock City is the city that the Burners build for one week in Nevada, and it has grown to become the third largest city in Nevada every year when it is formed. It grows and stays alive and works because of ten chore principals.
1. Radical inclusion.
Everyone who is willing is welcome.
2. Gifting
There is no money exchange. You give things to people simply because you want to, you don’t expect anything in return.
3. Decommodification
There is no advertising in Black Rock City. Your mind is not cluttered with name brand signs. You are free to look people in the eye and enjoy what is happening around you with out subliminally being trained.
4. Civic responsibility
The wellness and welfare of others is a visible priority. There are numerous camps dedicated to making wonderful things for people such as a steam camp, multiple bars, snow cone camp, camps with blankets and pillows that you can sleep and lay on for as long as your heart wants, coffee shop camps, bike stations, play ground, a slip n slide. With all these great things, safety is always in mind.
5. Radical self-expression
The city is a huge circle. All the villages and tents and camps are in a semi circle with street signs and addresses and the rest of the playa is open space for everything creative. You want a big fuzzy bus that plays music, you got it. You want a magic carpet ride at 5AM, you got it. You want a stage that vibrates with the music, you got it.
6. Radical self-reliance
At Burning Man it is more than making sure you have brought enough water for yourself, it is about emotionally being the only one that takes care of you. You must find the strength inside yourself to be ok, to be happy, and to rely only on yourself. Once that strength is found then you can start letting other people contribute to that happiness.
7. Communal effort
Burning man is a community with its own culture and ideas. It is its own society. Everyone helps one another and looks out for one another.
8. Leaving no trace
You leave no trace when you leave. You leave the playa the way you found it. If you see MOOP, (material out of place) pick it up.
9. Participation
“Everyone is invited to work. Everyone is invited to play.” Get your hands dirty, if you want to do something then you are encouraged to do it and share it, build it, play it, make it, and invent it.
10. Immediacy
“We seek to overcome barriers that stand between us and a recognition of our inner selves, the reality of those around us, participation in society, and contact with a natural world exceeding human powers. No idea can substitute for this experience.”
During the days it does get pretty hot, dry, and sweaty. The second day I was walking down the playas sandy streets wearing a big straw hat and a man dressed in white sprayed me with lavender water. It felt refreshing and delightful. Then he asked me if I wanted to come in and have a massage. His camp was called the lavender camp. I said "hell yes" I wanted a massage and he took my name down on a piece of paper and sat me down in a chair with about 3 other people waiting for a massage as well. After 5 minutes he called me in to their camp, it was made to look like a spa. Air mattresses were aligned all over the outsides. I layed down, he put a lavender pillow over my eyes and started giving me a head massage and spraying me with lavender water. While I was lying there a man started speaking Russian to me, startled and confused I sat up and started talking back to him, asking him how he knew that I was Russian and spoke Russian. He told me that he could sense it and at that moment I knew that I was in for one wild, awe striking, and emotionally charged week. That man gave me the energy I needed to survive the harshness of the playa for a week.
People let themselves to whatever they want. Ride bikes naked, dance, sing, wear anything they want, build anything they want. On Friday I got my huge dread lock of a head of hair washed by a cute guy from New Jersey. I couldn’t say thank you enough. I didn’t know what to do to make him see how appreciative I was. It is still shocking and refreshing that people try to make you comfortable and elicit energy for someone else’s benefit and expect nothing in return. When did our society get to a point that doing something nice for someone else with no expectations became shocking?
Music plays all day and night long and not one stage or space looks the same as the next. Big purple metal structures in one corner, a giant ship on wheels in another, an octopus that spits fire from each leg over here and fire dancers over there. Art cars made to look like fish, bird cages, dragons, big magical mushrooms. There was a big tree made of cascading lights. There were lights and sounds and things to climb and things to look at everywhere. Trapeze areas, and flying bikes, and piers, and giant lotus flowers. No explanation would do it justice.
A big structure of a man stood 100 feet tall. He was made of wood and wire and color. On Saturday every resident of Black Rock City sat and watched the hour long fire work show before they set the man on fire. Seeing the man stand tall and overlook the whole city for 6 days and then watching it burn down on the 6th night was something else. For me it signified the burning down of the man who controls your life. The man that is always watching you and you can escape the government. It was the visual effect for what was inside of me. When it was all burned down to the ground and you could walk up to it and hold a piece of metal in your hand, that’s when I suddenly felt free.
About a yard away from the man was a temple. The temple was constructed of wood and when you came close to it a sense of silence and heaviness fell over you. By the last day it was written all over in pen, marker, and pencil and pasted with pictures and necklaces. People wrote their hopes, dreams, their deepest wishes, and apologies; they wrote things that they wished they could say, they wrote what they wished they could do. One passage said that they hope their dad’s cancer cells burned down with the temple, just goose bump raising, tear generating, heart wrenching things. On Sunday all 60,000 residents sat down, holding each other in silence and watched the temple burn down. There was no fire work show before the burning of the temple. With each flame you felt a sigh, with each sigh you felt a tear, and with each tear you understood that life is not about holding back, it’s not worth hoping and wishing and regretting, it is about doing what feels right to you always. Do what you want and let it be.
Burning Man is a community, Black Rock City is the city that the Burners build for one week in Nevada, and it has grown to become the third largest city in Nevada every year when it is formed. It grows and stays alive and works because of ten chore principals.
1. Radical inclusion.
Everyone who is willing is welcome.
2. Gifting
There is no money exchange. You give things to people simply because you want to, you don’t expect anything in return.
3. Decommodification
There is no advertising in Black Rock City. Your mind is not cluttered with name brand signs. You are free to look people in the eye and enjoy what is happening around you with out subliminally being trained.
4. Civic responsibility
The wellness and welfare of others is a visible priority. There are numerous camps dedicated to making wonderful things for people such as a steam camp, multiple bars, snow cone camp, camps with blankets and pillows that you can sleep and lay on for as long as your heart wants, coffee shop camps, bike stations, play ground, a slip n slide. With all these great things, safety is always in mind.
5. Radical self-expression
The city is a huge circle. All the villages and tents and camps are in a semi circle with street signs and addresses and the rest of the playa is open space for everything creative. You want a big fuzzy bus that plays music, you got it. You want a magic carpet ride at 5AM, you got it. You want a stage that vibrates with the music, you got it.
6. Radical self-reliance
At Burning Man it is more than making sure you have brought enough water for yourself, it is about emotionally being the only one that takes care of you. You must find the strength inside yourself to be ok, to be happy, and to rely only on yourself. Once that strength is found then you can start letting other people contribute to that happiness.
7. Communal effort
Burning man is a community with its own culture and ideas. It is its own society. Everyone helps one another and looks out for one another.
8. Leaving no trace
You leave no trace when you leave. You leave the playa the way you found it. If you see MOOP, (material out of place) pick it up.
9. Participation
“Everyone is invited to work. Everyone is invited to play.” Get your hands dirty, if you want to do something then you are encouraged to do it and share it, build it, play it, make it, and invent it.
10. Immediacy
“We seek to overcome barriers that stand between us and a recognition of our inner selves, the reality of those around us, participation in society, and contact with a natural world exceeding human powers. No idea can substitute for this experience.”
During the days it does get pretty hot, dry, and sweaty. The second day I was walking down the playas sandy streets wearing a big straw hat and a man dressed in white sprayed me with lavender water. It felt refreshing and delightful. Then he asked me if I wanted to come in and have a massage. His camp was called the lavender camp. I said "hell yes" I wanted a massage and he took my name down on a piece of paper and sat me down in a chair with about 3 other people waiting for a massage as well. After 5 minutes he called me in to their camp, it was made to look like a spa. Air mattresses were aligned all over the outsides. I layed down, he put a lavender pillow over my eyes and started giving me a head massage and spraying me with lavender water. While I was lying there a man started speaking Russian to me, startled and confused I sat up and started talking back to him, asking him how he knew that I was Russian and spoke Russian. He told me that he could sense it and at that moment I knew that I was in for one wild, awe striking, and emotionally charged week. That man gave me the energy I needed to survive the harshness of the playa for a week.
People let themselves to whatever they want. Ride bikes naked, dance, sing, wear anything they want, build anything they want. On Friday I got my huge dread lock of a head of hair washed by a cute guy from New Jersey. I couldn’t say thank you enough. I didn’t know what to do to make him see how appreciative I was. It is still shocking and refreshing that people try to make you comfortable and elicit energy for someone else’s benefit and expect nothing in return. When did our society get to a point that doing something nice for someone else with no expectations became shocking?
Music plays all day and night long and not one stage or space looks the same as the next. Big purple metal structures in one corner, a giant ship on wheels in another, an octopus that spits fire from each leg over here and fire dancers over there. Art cars made to look like fish, bird cages, dragons, big magical mushrooms. There was a big tree made of cascading lights. There were lights and sounds and things to climb and things to look at everywhere. Trapeze areas, and flying bikes, and piers, and giant lotus flowers. No explanation would do it justice.
A big structure of a man stood 100 feet tall. He was made of wood and wire and color. On Saturday every resident of Black Rock City sat and watched the hour long fire work show before they set the man on fire. Seeing the man stand tall and overlook the whole city for 6 days and then watching it burn down on the 6th night was something else. For me it signified the burning down of the man who controls your life. The man that is always watching you and you can escape the government. It was the visual effect for what was inside of me. When it was all burned down to the ground and you could walk up to it and hold a piece of metal in your hand, that’s when I suddenly felt free.
About a yard away from the man was a temple. The temple was constructed of wood and when you came close to it a sense of silence and heaviness fell over you. By the last day it was written all over in pen, marker, and pencil and pasted with pictures and necklaces. People wrote their hopes, dreams, their deepest wishes, and apologies; they wrote things that they wished they could say, they wrote what they wished they could do. One passage said that they hope their dad’s cancer cells burned down with the temple, just goose bump raising, tear generating, heart wrenching things. On Sunday all 60,000 residents sat down, holding each other in silence and watched the temple burn down. There was no fire work show before the burning of the temple. With each flame you felt a sigh, with each sigh you felt a tear, and with each tear you understood that life is not about holding back, it’s not worth hoping and wishing and regretting, it is about doing what feels right to you always. Do what you want and let it be.
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